Tag: Online dating

40 Online Dating Mistakes Every Guy Should Avoid

tashacaufieldLeave a comment

This one’s for the wolves, (aka fellas), ladies! 😉

Sick and tired of online dating? Fed up with getting ignored online, or ghosted, trying to figure out “what women want” or “how to get the girl?” Well, in reviewing six different websites on common online dating mistakes men make, I’ve compiled a list of FORTY things that turn women off online so that you can figure out what exactly may be standing in your way of finding love via online dating. Enjoy!

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

Was he just trying to have sex with me???

tashacaufieldLeave a comment

200w-9
When he’s got you thinking about going Dutch…

Dear Megan,

So I recently met this guy, and over a period of ten days we: went for a quick drink, (which was nice and we ended up kissing), went out again for dinner the next day, (nice again, chatty, and, again, we kissed), and, finally, we went on a really expensive dinner date, like ÂŁ400, that he treated me to. He was really chivalrous, picked me up in a cab, and was really sweet.

I ended up staying at his place that night as we had such a good time – it was 100% not planned. I just ended up there after our cab ride home.  However, given my history with dating I decided that it was best that I not sleep with him so quickly, (especially since I found out that his mum saw a picture of me and said, “She’s pretty but better not get excited, you’ll have another one next week…”)

Anyway, he texted me after our date saying he had a lovely time, I’m lovely, he feels comfortable, happy, etc. etc.  A really nice message
 Then Sunday he says he will shout me – doesn’t. Wednesday I check in and he says again he will shout me – doesn’t
 Now it’s Monday and I’ve just kind of decided that I’ll delete his number as he’s clearly not interested.

Now, I’m wondering if he just wanted to sleep with me but just wasn’t being that straightforward.  A lot of my friends say they would be pissed spending that much money and not getting anywhere, but that is not what I value… Ergh! Dating is hard!

What do you think?

-The Michelin Star Date

 

Dear “Michelin Star Date,”

Ahhhh, sweetie
  In a world where there are many wolves out there just trying to get in your pants, consider any five star meals that come with the chase a perk for all the trouble, lol


But let’s not be so quick to judge.

Maybe this guy did have some sort of juvenile three-date-rule expectation and was hoping that a fancy dinner would seal the deal.  Or maybe he was just taking you where he likes to eat and paying the prices that come with the “finer things in life…” Or maybe he’s caught up in some sort of “Brewster’s Millions” scenario where he has to spend thirty million dollars in thirty days in order to inherit three hundred million dollars and can’t tell anyone about it
 Or maybe it’s all three.

At the end of the day, trying to figure out what made a person move on in the dating game is bound to do only two things: Drive you nuts, and exacerbate insecurities. 

Since the early stages of dating give people a right to change their mind and move on with no questions asked, all you can do during the getting-to-know-each-other phase is make sure that everything you’re doing feels right in light of that fact.

Yeah, it sucks to fall for the charms of someone who ends up being on a different page than you.  But the key to moving from person to person without, (as Winston Churchill would put it), “a loss of enthusiasm” is to focus solely on the harmonious qualities you come across in each guy until everything comes together and leads you to YOUR guy, who will also possess the final, very important quality that all the other guys lacked: staying power.

So keep protecting your heart and having your back during the journey, “Michelin Star Date.”  Remembering the Alan Cohen mantra I shared in The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!” And if you happen to come across a charmer who only has sex on the brain, well, just know that the “sex motive” in dating can be a great ally in figuring out who is truly into you sooner than later.  Just don’t forget to thank him for the bubbles and excellent steak on your way out ;).  Best of luck!

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

 

Should I move on, or try and message him again?

tashacaufield2 Comments

200w-7

Dear Megan,

Hoping you have some good advice for me.  About a month ago I met a guy on a trip and we had a super-strong connection.  Three days after meeting he even said he loved me, and we starting talking about ways for him to move closer to me.

Here’s the problem.  On our trip we talked every day, but when I returned home two weeks ago I texted him and he just said he was really tired from work, (he’s a doctor), and would text me tomorrow.  I haven’t heard from him yet, but he did like a photo I posted on Instagram last week.

Should I try messaging him again?  I can’t get him out of my mind!!! He was perfect.  I would really like to go back and visit him to rekindle what we had.  What do you think I should do?

-Dazed and Confused

 

Dear “Dazed and Confused,”

Ahh
  Is there anything more romantic than falling in love on vacation?
 Well, maybe a returned text, right? Lol
  In the age of ghosting I see this question a lot, but since everyone’s particular situation is different, (or at least feels that way), I’m happy to address the whole “should I keep trying” issue
  Again 😉

One of my favorite teachers once said, “Struggle to get, struggle to keep,” and I offer that as a reminder to anyone embarking on a new relationship that’s starting off rocky.  For the most part, if you want a relationship where both people are on the same page, coming together should be harmonious and mutually satisfying, with “issues” arising later when the relationship eventually asks one or both parties to step outside of their comfort zone and grow.  If you want one full of confusion and miscommunication, well, starting off with cat and mouse games should do the trick.

So it depends on what you want.  A lot of times we get so used to feeling bad that we put up with unnecessary drama, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

However, since you’re talking to me, I assume you already know that.  You’ve first learned to care about how you feel, and therefore want a relationship that feels good.  So in my usual direct fashion, here are my two cents:

When the ball is in a romantic interest’s court to contact you, and they don’t, it means that they’re (1) just not that into you, (2) unreliable, and (3) in cases where they previously expressed a lot of interest, confused about what they want.

And why would you not only match up with, but pursue someone who’s shown you that they’re just not that into you, unreliable, and confused about what they want?  (Oy.  Brace yourself for a not-so-easy-to-hear truth, my friend.)  Because they’re mirroring back to you how you feel about yourself.  In at least some way you’re (1) just not that into you, (2) unreliable when it comes to consistently putting your feelings first, and (3) confused about what you deserve. 

So what should you do?  

Work on raising your self-esteem, (at least a teeny weeny bit), so that you’re attracted to people who are just that into you, reliable, and clear on what they want because you’re clear on what you deserve.

Now, there will always be people who shower all sorts of love and attention on others then ghost, and there’s nothing wrong with having met and liked someone who’s done that.  Heck, you may even have, or will have, done that at one time or another.  However, if you want to be in a good relationship, one that’s not full of “struggle to keep,” you’ll have to give yourself enough time to get to know whether or not the other person you like is not only up for, but capable of, sustaining a loving relationship – and that discipline to wait-and-see before going all-in requires a certain amount of self-esteem.

Alright, now, cultivating the self-esteem you need to get the relationship of your dreams is a three-step process.  And step one, lucky you, will happen on its own.  In step one you simply “burn out” of the emotionally unavailable, inconsistent “bad boys,” (or “bad girls”), you’ve been dating.

Here you’ll just continue to date people who ultimately don’t really treat you all that great until you get fed up with it and flat out no longer like or pursue them.  Sounds horrible, I know.  But don’t worry, there’s actually some fun to be had in this step as there will be moments you’re insanely goo-goo ga-ga over a wolf.

So go ahead and text that person you just can’t get out of your head.  Get all excited when they finally drop you a crumb of a text days after you contacted them, or like a pic on your social media page.  Get confused and heartbroken as many times as it takes for you to no longer be able to stomach people who don’t treat you the way you deserve.  Eventually you’ll tire of it and be ready to move on to something more consistent and better.

Introduce step two.  Step two is where you step into action.  Here you’ll create strong boundaries and standards for yourself that dictate what you will entertain and what you absolutely won’t.  Last minute booty calls?  No, thanks.  Asking you out on a proper date, showing up on time, and consistently expressing a real interest in getting to know you?  Yes, please.

Now – side note – how do you know you deserve all this “better” treatment?  Well, because it’ll feel better than shitty treatment.  And despite what other people in your life might have conditioned you to believe, what you feel deep down is ultimately your truth.

Alright, back to the steps.  In step two you also allow yourself to be vulnerable with those who do meet your standards.  After all, with the emotionally available people you were linking up with in the past there were walls up that prevented you from ever really having to “go there.”  But to be a match to real love, you’ll have to open yourself up to real hurt.  So when you do meet someone who shows you that they can be trusted to support you in all your glorious vulnerability, you do just that – become vulnerable.

And, finally, step three is where you trust your instincts.  Your boundaries and standards aren’t there to get you to be with someone you think you should be with just because they aren’t a douche, or something basic like that.  They’re there to remind you to trust your instincts, which always wanted you to be with someone who treated you well.

Being with someone you both like and who meets your standards will feel good.  Someone who doesn’t will quickly feel bad, which is your signal to listen to your gut and jump ship.  After all, relationships aren’t just about learning how to live happily ever after with someone else, they’re about learning how to live happily ever after with you.

With relationships you get a mirror for how you feel about yourself and how you love yourself.  And if you don’t like what you see reflecting back at you, (i.e. what you’re getting back from others), keep reimagining yourself until you do. 

So, don’t chase. Wait.

Wait for you to consistently adore yourself so much that you can’t help but attract others who do the same.  And when you do meet the person who is perfect for you, like I said in “The Care and Feeding in Sex Symbols,” you’ll receive a “Hell Yes!” to proceed in mind, body, and spirit.  Anything other than that, (aka doubts), are for the blogs.  Best of luck.

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

How do I politely back out of a first date?

tashacaufieldLeave a comment

 

200w-10.gif
If the date you agreed to makes you feel like this, it’s time to pass.

Dear Megan,

I’m hoping you can help me with some advice on how to politely back out of meeting someone in person.

I had been talking to this guy through online dating for a couple of weeks. As we’d been talking, I picked up on some minor red flags, but generally, he was pleasant to talk with, so I tried to disregard them. However, during our last couple of messages, I’ve gotten an increasingly unsettled feeling, even though there’s no one specific thing I can point to as the cause. It’s just a vibe, I guess.

In a recent message, he asked if I’d like to meet in person, and I said sure, but I told him I had a few more questions first. I asked my questions. He dodged one of them, and I don’t know… I just feel like my gut is telling me not to meet this guy. But I also feel like I’ve already agreed to meet him, so I don’t know how to politely back out. I know pretty much any reason I give will seem lame or insincere. And yet the idea of meeting him is stressing me out.  Please help!

-The Anti-Casper

 

Dear “The Anti-Casper,”

Ugh, I totally feel your pain.  And in the spirit of a Tony Robbins seminar can I just say, “If anyone else has ever been in her shoes say ‘Aye!’”  Lol
  Dating can be plagued with doubt, and sometimes, before you know it, you find yourself in over your head.  But kudos to you for not ghosting, (which is why I call you “The Anti-Casper”).  Many would have, so mad props to you for not wanting to leave this guy hanging, especially after a couple weeks of communication.

Now, while it’s no secret that I expound on the “If it’s not a ‘Hell yes!’ it’s a ‘Hell no!’” philosophy in “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols,” there are times when you should proceed with a date you’re hesitant to go on.  Sometimes you’re just so out of practice in following your gut that you confuse the uncomfortable feeling associated with breaking out of your comfort zone with a “Hell no!” and delay your opportunity to meet someone you actually might be compatible with.

But, rest assured, this is not one of those cases.

You should proceed with a date you’re hesitant to go on when going on it still feels right.  

And by “right” I’m not referring to the relief associated with appeasing a false sense of obligation – because all you owe yourself and anyone else is your authenticity.  I’m referring to the peaceful feeling you get when you allow yourself to get still long enough to listen to your gut and it consistently tells you in a still, quiet voice to “go ‘head.”  Even in the face of hesitation, there should still be a lightness around the meeting, an easy-going hint of curiosity surrounding the wolf that feels harmless.

You shouldn’t proceed with a date you’re hesitant to go on when you feel, well, everything you described. Like, “stressed out.”

Regardless of your inability to point out exactly what makes meeting him feel uneasy, when dread, frustration, sadness, etc, consume you to the point where you want to fake your own death, abandon your bra, and go live amongst a pygmy tribe in Africa every time you think about the date, it’s time to shoot him one of these:

“Hey __,

Thanks for taking the time to get to know me better over the last couple of weeks.  I really appreciate it.  However, I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re not a match, so I’m going to have to cancel our upcoming date.  Sorry for the inconvenience, and I wish you the best of luck.  xoxo!”

(Well, you can omit the XOXOs if you want, that’s just my style, lol.)

Remember, your feelings are there to guide you in a sort of “colder-warmer-hotter” game to all of your heart’s desires.  And any feeling of strong negative emotion is your signal that this is definitely not the right direction for you. So listen.  And keep learning to trust your gut.  The more you do it the better you’ll get at it, and before you know it a “Hell yes!” will be knocking on your door.  Best of luck!

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

‘If Only He Weren’t (Blank), He’d Be Perfect
’ Overcoming the Myth of ‘The Perfect Person’

tashacaufieldLeave a comment

giphy-67
Ahhh… The blissful moments before you said, “So tell me about yourself.”

Alright sexy gals, (and the wolves who adore them ;)),

So, I’m going to bypass answering a question this week because I came across an article that is just too good to not share it with you guys.

When looking at a lot of the relationship problems many of you have, I’ve noticed that oftentimes a relationship fails not because the two people involved don’t feel a love connection that also challenges them in all the right ways, but because at least one of the persons involved is “ensnared by the vision of a perfect person,” (as the article I’m about to share with you puts it).

To be clear, I believe that the four “must haves” – (as laid out by one of my favorite counselors) – in a relationship are:

CHEMISTRY

SAFETY

INTELLECTUAL CONNECTION

and

LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER

And the way you can tell if you’re ensnared by your vision of the perfect person is if you find yourself saying or thinking things like, “If only he/she weren’t (blank), he/she would be perfect,” and that “blank” goes beyond the four must-haves.

As some of you may recall, in “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” I went to great lengths, and bared all, (hashtag blushing!), so that those of you who struggle with finding real love can get the support you need in cultivating it within yourself, and then with another.  After all, love is about what you can give, not get, and you can’t give what you don’t have.

It all starts there.

And now I’m happy to share with you guys yet another barrier that can prevent you from realizing the loving relationship you seek.  And guess what?  It’s masked by our fantasies of a perfect person.

This article not only gives us the real skinny on our dreams of meeting the perfect person, but it completely destroys that dream due to its basis in a myth.  My hope is that once “woke” you will be free to create the type of dream that will allow you to experience a loving relationship in real life, haha; and release any expectations, (aka “potential premediated resentments”), that would have prevented you from continuously nurturing said loving relationship once you found it.

So now, without further ado, I give you Charles Chu’s “The Myth of the ‘Perfect Person.'”

May it provide you with any additional wisdom and courage you need to go forth and create perfect love with an imperfect person.

-Megan 🙂

“The Myth of the ‘Perfect Person'” Article

 

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

My one answer to the ‘Is it normal when a guy does (blank)?’ question

tashacaufieldLeave a comment

giphy-129.gif
Normal behavior? Irrelevant. How it feels? Priceless.

Dear Megan,

Hi.  So, I met a guy online, and from then on we’ve talked constantly through text. We have good conversations every day and night.  Even when he is out drinking with friends on a Friday night, he will text and ask how I am doing. He is a very romantic guy. We share the same goals and values, and we have many interests in common. 

Thing is, we haven’t met in person yet and he already said that he loves me and cannot stop thinking about me. He said his parents would also love me, and he texts about wanting to start a family with me, and we talk about kids and babies.

Do you think I should believe that he loves me even though we haven’t even met? Is that even possible? Is this normal?

He said we can skip the coffee dates because we know each other a lot, and on our first date this Sunday we will hold hands and he will kiss me.  Do you think he wants something else? Is a first date kiss normal? He said he never kisses anyone on the first date, but he will with me.

Also, do you think that if a guy drinks 2-3 beers every week it’s normal?  Please advise. 

Thank you very much,

-Future Mrs. Normal

 

Dear “Future Mrs. Normal,”

 

I’m just going to make this as simple as possible, and ask you to repeat after me:

 

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL

 

Sure, I can give you my take on this wolf’s behavior.  And you can go get another analysis from someone else, and another from someone else, (because at the end of the day normal is a subjective myth).  But in reality, NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY YOU FEEL.

Whether it’s waiting years to say I love you/get married/have sex/etc, or waiting days, for every healthy relationship I’ve seen, I’ve seen a similarly healthy couple who’s done the exact opposite with equally satisfying results.  No one’s normal, but everyone’s crazy; so your goal in dating is really to just find someone whose crazy matches your crazy.  And to do that you’ve got to learn to trust yourself.

Putting up with stuff you’re not comfortable with because others tell you it’s “normal,” or even “romantic,” is a surefire way to end up in a relationship that might be good for someone else, but not you.  Stick to your gut, and if a guy you just started talking to says or does stuff that weirds you out, don’t put up with it just because someone else would be cool with it.

If you’re in sync on the big issues, like you say, you may want to first talk to him about whatever he’s saying/doing that isn’t sitting well with you.  And if he’s willing to adjust his behavior so that you feel comfortable and safe, cool.  Proceed slowly because you just got a yellow light from a red.

If, however, he’s saying/doing stuff that you’re constantly scratching your head over, take that as a sign of incompatibility and hold out for a guy whose behavior you feel comfortable and safe with.

Your path to happiness is tailor fit for you, and your emotions are your guide.  Trust that deep down you know what’s best for you, (even if on the surface you feel you don’t), and have the courage to act of exclusively from your gut.

Keeping it 100% real, in a world full of so much noise, trusting your gut will most likely be a lesson you’ll only fully get after tons of practice, (like the rest of us – wamp, wamp), but hopefully remembering that NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY YOU FEEL will cut your learning curve in half.

Best of luck!

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

 

Heading to Home Depot and Lowe’s to try and meet men
 Good idea?

tashacaufield1 Comment

giphy-120.gif

Dear Megan,

On a scale of 1-10, how good of an idea is it to go to a hardware store like Lowe’s or Home Depot to meet a man?

Break it to me gently.

-Looking for the Honey in a “Honey Do List”

 

Dear “Looking for the Honey in a ‘Honey Do List,’”

Allllll right
 Since I’ve previously shared hot spots for meeting select wolves, I guess I’ll be game and give you my two cents on hardwood stores. So here it is:

First off, real men go to Ace Hardware.  Lol, just kidding
  In all seriousness, don’t worry. You actually picked an understandable spot in said hardwood stores. Any woman worth her salt knows that walking into a Lowe’s or Home Depot is like stepping into a post-apocalyptic world where all the women are dead and the remaining, somehow slightly more attractive men welcome you with double takes, bright eyes, and bushy tails
  Sexual tension abounds, and you find yourself thinking, “Man, why don’t I come here more often?”

But, on a scale of 1-10, how good of an idea is it to actually go to a Home Depot or Lowe’s to meet men? I’d give it about a 2.5.

It’s true. The place is packed with testosterone, and some of that testosterone will be single and available – (hence the points I gave it).  However, I can’t recommend the place in good conscious due to the fact that: (1) given the wide variety of men who go there, any guy who fits what you’re looking for in a man will be in the extreme minority, (2) it’s simply too hard of a place for your needle-in-a-haystack man to naturally start a conversation with you that has enough legs to ask you out, and (3) the place is boring AF. (And as far as I know, going about your business, enjoying your life, and not walking around looking “thirsty” is still the best way to meet a man.)

My suggestion? Go on a dating site and put terms like “fix things,” “working on my house,” “working with my hands,” and “handy” into the keyword search to meet your Home Depot-prowling fella.  Then, if you see someone you like, hit him up with something like, “Hey, nice profile. Any idea how to fix [your fake broken thing around your place]?” If he likes what he sees, he’ll keep the conversation going.  If not, you’ll at least have saved yourself gas money and an unnecessary application of heat to your hair.

However, if you’re tired of the online thing, I recommend either choosing something you might enjoy from this list, or something else you find fun and easy. Because while walking around being bored is not the ideal way to meet a man, walking around being fun and easy is. (Well, not easy in that way… Ugh, stupid, catchy endings that don’t work
 Anyway, you know what I mean.)  Happy dating!

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

As a guy, should I state my income on online dating profiles?

tashacaufieldLeave a comment

giphy-20.gif

Dear Megan,

So I decided I’m gonna try online dating, and here’s my important question – do I put my income on there??

Sites like Match.com have a section for it, and I’ve read in a study that men who make over $100k-$150K are 10 times more likely to receive responses on dating sites. I work in sales, where the average income in my industry is 40K, so just putting the field I’m in could be misleading as I make significantly more than that.

I’m not worried about attracting gold diggers – I’m very good at judging people and their behavior. And I don’t want somebody high maintenance. A super cute and sweet girl-next-door, teacher-type who makes around $60k a year would be perfect. I don’t want anybody who works crazy hours. Someone with a 9-5 would be great as I work way too much, myself.

I’m only going to go out with women who are super nice/super sweet, but surely even super nice girls want a very successful/kind/loyal man? Who wants to get married to a guy who can’t afford a comfortable lifestyle?? What do you think?

-State to Get a Date?

 

Dear “State to Get a Date?,”

Welp, it seems like you’ve already gotten it all figured out, “State!” According to the study you read, you already know that you should state your income if: (1) you make over a certain amount, and (2) you want more responses… Oh, but wait. (My eyes are squinting now) 
 Perhaps you’re asking me for something that study didn’t provide… Like whether stating your income will increase your chances of hearing back from “super cute” and “super sweet” girls, (who just so happen to not be gold-diggers)…

Ah, well if that’s the case kudos to you for looking beyond the statistics and staying focused on nabbing the girl you want, not just many girls. For in the world of online dating if you’re looking for a more authentic, soul-to-soul connection, you have to be willing to trade quantity for quality. And that means creating a profile, long or short, that reflects your soul’s deepest desires. Your profile should be tailor-made for your soulmate. And quite possibly so unique it gets you a “10x less” response rate.

So, with that said, will stating your (high) income range in the assigned section of your profile increase your chances of hearing back from the super cute and super sweet girls you want to date? Yes. (Provided you have a “typical” profile.)

You see, sweet girls are a dime a dozen. Many of us are nurturers by nature who can be heard uttering the word “awww
” at least once a day. But when you throw the criteria of “super cute” into your wish list, well, now you’re entering elite territory.

I don’t know why – perhaps God did it to level the playing field for average-looking girls, or maybe it’s a girl’s natural reaction to a life of “pretty privilege” – but, often, the cuter we get, the not-so-consistently nice, (and sometimes even crazier), we get.

Consequently, the pool of “super-hot girls who volunteer at the local animal shelter and genuinely want to know how your day went” is pretty small, while the line for them remains exceptionally long. Therefore, to stand out in the crowd, you’re going to want to pull every “attractive-trait” card you have, including the one that says you can “afford a comfortable lifestyle.” For while most women don’t require a man make a certain amount of money, the truth of the matter is that having a high income is still an attractive trait, which is what the “10x more responses” statistic reflects.

HOWEVER, if you don’t want a super cute, super sweet girl who over-values what’s in your wallet, (aka a “gold digger”), you mustn’t either. List it, knowing it’s an attractive attribute to partnering with you, but in all your interactions focus on promoting the other traits you have to offer, like your kindness and loyalty, in order to attract girls who are looking for more.

And to further get your high quality, sweet and lovely Belle, you must also reign in any shallowness on your part and not over-value her looks. Appreciate her beauty, but dig deep to discover her interests, passions, and values. After all, cute and sweet aren’t attributes that will love you through thick and thin – (although you might get a good “awww
” for an unfortunate situation) – but compassionate, honest, and loyal attributes will, so focus on those.

So, yeah, go ahead and list your “ballin’ out” income to increase your appeal amongst your target demographic of ladies. But remember, money can’t buy you love, so don’t oversell it. Best of luck.

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

 

Where to find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men

tashacaufield2 Comments

giphy-34

Dear Megan,

Where do I find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men?  Seems like a pretty tall order! Yet here I am asking. Where can I find these quality men to date? I’ve decided I am 100% done with Tinder, (I seem to attract and be attracted to the exact opposite man I’m looking for in terms of a relationship there), and am not too keen on the other online dating sites. I have tried a few of them, but I’m wondering what other options there are these days. I’m a working professional with a master’s degree, fit and attractive, and 28. My field is mostly female dominated, but I’d actually like to date someone in a different field anyway. I’m taking a bit of a hiatus from dating right now, but I’d like to look forward to better matches when I am ready to date again. 

Any ideas?

-Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

 

Dear “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places,”

I see what you did there
  You tried to stuff the perfect, (and rare), alpha-beta blend into three seemingly all-encompassing words! Lol
  Yeeeaaaahhh, you gotta wake up pretty early to get one past me.   But I’ll play your game since your criteria is a good place to start. Just know that I’ll be here when you find this dream boat but come back wanting to expand your “I just what a man who’s
” list to include:

SINGLE, doesn’t have a face kids want to wear as a Halloween mask, shows up on time, doesn’t want to pee on you (or have some other weird fetish), couldn’t have gone to grade school with your grandfather, will stick things out through the tough times, doesn’t have a drug/porn/work/food addiction, doesn’t have a gang ‘o kids, won’t require a magnifying glass to see his frank and beans, isn’t a member of Hell’s Angels, doesn’t live in Prague if you live in Philly, wants to have (or not have) kids like you, is (or isn’t) adventurous like you, is attracted to you and your particular brand of tea, isn’t a stripper, isn’t a “furry,” is somewhat of a decent communicator, isn’t a polygamist, doesn’t look pregnant, doesn’t have a relationship with his mom that creeps you out, isn’t gay (or if you’re a gay guy, is gay), speaks English, isn’t in federal prison, is disease-free, has at least some sort of sense of humor, is over 5’9”


Aaaannnddd we’re back at wanting “Mr. Perfect.” 

It’s a slippery slope when you focus on anything other than how a wolf makes you feel; but if we’re honest, most of us have external criteria we condition our love on, and I’m not here to judge, so here’s some help.

To being with, the short answer to your question, “Where do I find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men,” is: everywhere.  The more relevant answer to your question, however, is: wherever you are open to receiving one.  In life you get what you expect, (even if it’s subconscious).  If you go into a certain place, whether online or in-person, thinking your guy couldn’t possibly be there, guess what?  He won’t.  But if you go into a situation with an open mind, you’ve made room to receive him.  Consequently, since you can find these men anywhere, the better question is “When do I find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men?”  And the right timing requires two things.

Since like attracts like, you must first become the three things you want to attract.  It’s the only way to form a long-lasting connection with a man who embodies all three.  Fortunately, and despite what most of us have been taught, financial success is a mindset.  If you see yourself as prosperous, having more than you need, (the very definition of abundance), you are free to declare yourself financially successful anytime you choose to.  When it comes to kindness, feedback from others will help you adjust anything there, if necessary.  And if the feedback isn’t good, and you’re at a total loss on where to get help being kinder, uh, maybe try Goofus and Gallant in “Highlights for Children?”

The big kahuna that stumps most people is the emotionally available part.  Therefore, let this be your guiding principle:  You’re emotionally available when the men you’re attracting are emotionally available.

UPDATE: CLICK HERE FOR MY YOUTUBE/VIDEO VERSION OF THIS ANSWER

I hate to say it, but if the wolf you’re talking to is blocking love in some way, and you stick around for more than, say, a date or informative conversation, it’s because you’re emotionally unavailable in some way, too.  Bummer.  Don’t fret though, if you really want a quality relationship you’ll burn out of the dead-end guys.  And after taking a deep look inside of yourself, you’ll come out no longer willing to put up with anyone’s elusive, flaky, overly sex-driven, not-over-his-ex, perfectionist, controlling, and/or commitment-phobic behavior.

Okay, say you are all three of those things, the second thing you’ll need, as stated above, is to be open to meeting this guy wherever you go.  That openness and lack of expectation is why many people say you’ll meet him when you least expect it.

Now, with all that said, there are places where your chances of meeting a man with all three qualities are higher than others.  Sure, one can meet such a man in the casual encounters section of Craigslist, (or in what I consider its newer version, Tinder), but who’s got time to try and find a needle in that haystack.

So, without further ado, here is a list of meet-and-greet places I’ve found men with all three qualities to be more likely to frequent.  It is based on my experience and observations, not some stock internet list, so know that this list is “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” approved.  (And, side note, I’ve intentionally left out tennis clubs and yoga studios as those men seem to be a bit weird upon closer inspection.)  Enjoy!

-Megan 🙂

 

Where to Find Emotionally Available, Financially Successful, and Kind Men

(In order of preference)

 

  • Charity events
  • Volunteer work
  • Workshops/lectures by your favorite spiritual/financial/motivational/educational teachers
  • TED Talks
  • The bar area of a high-end restaurant
  • Friends and family who know you and your taste
  • The bar area of a high-end sports bar
  • Great seats at sporting events, (and/or access to exclusive areas)
  • Performing arts venues, (including bars with live music in nice neighborhoods)
  • Paid online dating sites
  • Trade shows and conventions
  • Walking/exercising at beaches and hiking trails in really nice areas
  • The bar area of any restaurant with good food in a nice area
  • The golf course, (but if you can’t play better to stick with the range
 and if you can’t hit worth a lick better to stick with the bar at the country club)
  • Food and wine festivals
  • High-end gyms (if you have a game plan for if things don’t work out)
  • Airplanes, airport lounges, and airport bars
  • Boat and car shows
  • Cigar bars (if you can stomach how they make your hair and clothes smell)
  • Casinos (
but keep it classy, please)
  • Stuck in your, or your girlfriend’s, friend-zone

 

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

To Subscribe to my YouTube channel click here!

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.