Dear Megan,
Hi. So, I met a guy online, and from then on we’ve talked constantly through text. We have good conversations every day and night. Even when he is out drinking with friends on a Friday night, he will text and ask how I am doing. He is a very romantic guy. We share the same goals and values, and we have many interests in common.
Thing is, we haven’t met in person yet and he already said that he loves me and cannot stop thinking about me. He said his parents would also love me, and he texts about wanting to start a family with me, and we talk about kids and babies.
Do you think I should believe that he loves me even though we haven’t even met? Is that even possible? Is this normal?
He said we can skip the coffee dates because we know each other a lot, and on our first date this Sunday we will hold hands and he will kiss me. Do you think he wants something else? Is a first date kiss normal? He said he never kisses anyone on the first date, but he will with me.
Also, do you think that if a guy drinks 2-3 beers every week it’s normal? Please advise.
Thank you very much,
-Future Mrs. Normal
Dear “Future Mrs. Normal,”
I’m just going to make this as simple as possible, and ask you to repeat after me:
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL
NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY I FEEL
Sure, I can give you my take on this wolf’s behavior. And you can go get another analysis from someone else, and another from someone else, (because at the end of the day normal is a subjective myth). But in reality, NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY YOU FEEL.
Whether it’s waiting years to say I love you/get married/have sex/etc, or waiting days, for every healthy relationship I’ve seen, I’ve seen a similarly healthy couple who’s done the exact opposite with equally satisfying results. No one’s normal, but everyone’s crazy; so your goal in dating is really to just find someone whose crazy matches your crazy. And to do that you’ve got to learn to trust yourself.
Putting up with stuff you’re not comfortable with because others tell you it’s “normal,” or even “romantic,” is a surefire way to end up in a relationship that might be good for someone else, but not you. Stick to your gut, and if a guy you just started talking to says or does stuff that weirds you out, don’t put up with it just because someone else would be cool with it.
If you’re in sync on the big issues, like you say, you may want to first talk to him about whatever he’s saying/doing that isn’t sitting well with you. And if he’s willing to adjust his behavior so that you feel comfortable and safe, cool. Proceed slowly because you just got a yellow light from a red.
If, however, he’s saying/doing stuff that you’re constantly scratching your head over, take that as a sign of incompatibility and hold out for a guy whose behavior you feel comfortable and safe with.
Your path to happiness is tailor fit for you, and your emotions are your guide. Trust that deep down you know what’s best for you, (even if on the surface you feel you don’t), and have the courage to act of exclusively from your gut.
Keeping it 100% real, in a world full of so much noise, trusting your gut will most likely be a lesson you’ll only fully get after tons of practice, (like the rest of us – wamp, wamp), but hopefully remembering that NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WAY YOU FEEL will cut your learning curve in half.
Best of luck!
-Megan 🙂
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Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to. And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.
The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols 