Was he just trying to have sex with me???

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When he’s got you thinking about going Dutch…

Dear Megan,

So I recently met this guy, and over a period of ten days we: went for a quick drink, (which was nice and we ended up kissing), went out again for dinner the next day, (nice again, chatty, and, again, we kissed), and, finally, we went on a really expensive dinner date, like £400, that he treated me to. He was really chivalrous, picked me up in a cab, and was really sweet.

I ended up staying at his place that night as we had such a good time – it was 100% not planned. I just ended up there after our cab ride home.  However, given my history with dating I decided that it was best that I not sleep with him so quickly, (especially since I found out that his mum saw a picture of me and said, “She’s pretty but better not get excited, you’ll have another one next week…”)

Anyway, he texted me after our date saying he had a lovely time, I’m lovely, he feels comfortable, happy, etc. etc.  A really nice message… Then Sunday he says he will shout me – doesn’t. Wednesday I check in and he says again he will shout me – doesn’t… Now it’s Monday and I’ve just kind of decided that I’ll delete his number as he’s clearly not interested.

Now, I’m wondering if he just wanted to sleep with me but just wasn’t being that straightforward.  A lot of my friends say they would be pissed spending that much money and not getting anywhere, but that is not what I value… Ergh! Dating is hard!

What do you think?

-The Michelin Star Date

 


Dear “Michelin Star Date,”

Ahhhh, sweetie…  In a world where there are many wolves out there just trying to get in your pants, consider any five star meals that come with the chase a perk for all the trouble, lol…

But let’s not be so quick to judge.

Maybe this guy did have some sort of juvenile three-date-rule expectation and was hoping that a fancy dinner would seal the deal.  Or maybe he was just taking you where he likes to eat and paying the prices that come with the “finer things in life…” Or maybe he’s caught up in some sort of “Brewster’s Millions” scenario where he has to spend thirty million dollars in thirty days in order to inherit three hundred million dollars and can’t tell anyone about it… Or maybe it’s all three.

At the end of the day, trying to figure out what made a person move on in the dating game is bound to do only two things: Drive you nuts, and exacerbate insecurities. 

Since the early stages of dating give people a right to change their mind and move on with no questions asked, all you can do during the getting-to-know-each-other phase is make sure that everything you’re doing feels right in light of that fact.

Yeah, it sucks to fall for the charms of someone who ends up being on a different page than you.  But the key to moving from person to person without, (as Winston Churchill would put it), “a loss of enthusiasm” is to focus solely on the harmonious qualities you come across in each guy until everything comes together and leads you to YOUR guy, who will also possess the final, very important quality that all the other guys lacked: staying power.

So keep protecting your heart and having your back during the journey, “Michelin Star Date.”  Remembering the Alan Cohen mantra I shared in The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!” And if you happen to come across a charmer who only has sex on the brain, well, just know that the “sex motive” in dating can be a great ally in figuring out who is truly into you sooner than later.  Just don’t forget to thank him for the bubbles and excellent steak on your way out ;).  Best of luck!

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.

 

 

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Should I make the first move on a guy I’m interested in?

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Dear Megan,

So, there’s a guy, (30), that I’ve been interested in for some time now, (I’m 23). We’ve known each other for about 8 years, but have never been close or anything. I always found him attractive but never pursued anything until earlier this year when we ran into each other randomly and decided to grab lunch together. We talked and got to know each other a little better and I realized he and I have so much in common and that we have very similar personalities.

We communicate more than we used to now, mostly over Facebook, but it hasn’t become flirtatious or anything. He comments on pretty much every one of my posts, and people are always asking me “who is that guy who’s all over your Facebook page?”

He and I have both been single for quite a while, but I know that both of us are looking to get back out into the dating world. I don’t know if he’s interested, but I think even if he isn’t now, he might be if he knew I was interested in him…

I asked him to help me out with my blog because he’s good at that kind of stuff, and he said he’d love to, so we’re going to be doing that next week, and I’m considering asking him if he’d like to grab dinner or a drink afterwards… not necessarily a date, but at the very least an excuse to spend more time getting to know each other. But I’m afraid that might be too forward.

In my experience, whenever I’ve pursued a man or tried being direct about my interest in them, they get scared off, even if they already liked me… It’s like they immediately lose interest if winning someone over is no longer a challenge. So now I’m deathly afraid of making my interest known, and I feel like as the woman I have to just sit around and wait for men to ask me out. But I also worry that he may not make a move if I’m coming across as disinterested. So I guess I would like to ask two questions:

Have you ever made the first move, and was it successful?

-Confused and Bashful


 

Dear “Confused and Bashful,”

Christ, the last guy I made the first move on – (and by “first move” I mean said “hi” to first) – I had to marry to get rid of, haha… So yeah, it can be “successful…” if done properly.

In the world of financial trading it is said that “A decision NOT to trade (a stock) is also a trading decision;” and it seems that you, my dear, have yet to learn that when it comes to being a woman, a decision NOT to make a first move is also a first move.

You see, guys don’t become interested in a girl once they know she’s interested. That’s not how they work. They know what they like. They know what they want. And they’re either interested in you, or not.

Consequently, as a woman, your “first move” is simply to expose yourself to him – (and I’m not talking about in a snapchat kind of way, either, despite how effective that is scoring a Netflix-and-chill kind of night) – which you’ve done.

If he’s attracted to your beauty and/or brains it won’t take long for him to realize it. And you definitely won’t have to try and sneak your way in through the friend-zone – (I shudder at the thought!). Resist your customary urge to pursue – (good God, resist it!) – and just keep on going about your business and being your fabulous self.

Know that this is not about passively sitting around and waiting for men to ask you out, either. This is about patiently and actively learning to like the men who like you enough to risk rejection and ask you out. Trust me, you’ll need that level of passion and conviction in a guy down the road for you two to get through tough times.

So have faith, chica. Faith that your guy will see you, want you, and do what he has to do to not let you get away. Don’t chase, chill… And get one of those big, red “easy” buttons. That way when you’re resting comfortably in the arms of your future boo you can lean over, press it, and hear the sound of the automated guy saying, “that was easy.” Best of luck.

-Megan 🙂

For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here

To submit your question to “Dear Megan” click here!

“Dear Megan” Home Page

Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to.  And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.