Where do I find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men? Seems like a pretty tall order! Yet here I am asking. Where can I find these quality men to date? I’ve decided I am 100% done with Tinder, (I seem to attract and be attracted to the exact opposite man I’m looking for in terms of a relationship there), and am not too keen on the other online dating sites. I have tried a few of them, but I’m wondering what other options there are these days. I’m a working professional with a master’s degree, fit and attractive, and 28. My field is mostly female dominated, but I’d actually like to date someone in a different field anyway. I’m taking a bit of a hiatus from dating right now, but I’d like to look forward to better matches when I am ready to date again.
-Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
Dear “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places,”
I see what you did there… You tried to stuff the perfect, (and rare), alpha-beta blend into three seemingly all-encompassing words! Lol… Yeeeaaaahhh, you gotta wake up pretty early to get one past me. But I’ll play your game since your criteria is a good place to start. Just know that I’ll be here when you find this dream boat but come back wanting to expand your “I just what a man who’s…” list to include:
SINGLE, doesn’t have a face kids want to wear as a Halloween mask, shows up on time, doesn’t want to pee on you (or have some other weird fetish), couldn’t have gone to grade school with your grandfather, will stick things out through the tough times, doesn’t have a drug/porn/work/food addiction, doesn’t have a gang ‘o kids, won’t require a magnifying glass to see his frank and beans, isn’t a member of Hell’s Angels, doesn’t live in Prague if you live in Philly, wants to have (or not have) kids like you, is (or isn’t) adventurous like you, is attracted to you and your particular brand of tea, isn’t a stripper, isn’t a “furry,” is somewhat of a decent communicator, isn’t a polygamist, doesn’t look pregnant, doesn’t have a relationship with his mom that creeps you out, isn’t gay (or if you’re a gay guy, is gay), speaks English, isn’t in federal prison, is disease-free, has at least some sort of sense of humor, is over 5’9”…
Aaaannnddd we’re back at wanting “Mr. Perfect.”
It’s a slippery slope when you focus on anything other than how a wolf makes you feel; but if we’re honest, most of us have external criteria we condition our love on, and I’m not here to judge, so here’s some help.
To being with, the short answer to your question, “Where do I find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men,” is: everywhere. The more relevant answer to your question, however, is: wherever you are open to receiving one. In life you get what you expect, (even if it’s subconscious). If you go into a certain place, whether online or in-person, thinking your guy couldn’t possibly be there, guess what? He won’t. But if you go into a situation with an open mind, you’ve made room to receive him. Consequently, since you can find these men anywhere, the better question is “When do I find emotionally available, financially successful, and kind men?” And the right timing requires two things.
Since like attracts like, you must first become the three things you want to attract. It’s the only way to form a long-lasting connection with a man who embodies all three. Fortunately, and despite what most of us have been taught, financial success is a mindset. If you see yourself as prosperous, having more than you need, (the very definition of abundance), you are free to declare yourself financially successful anytime you choose to. When it comes to kindness, feedback from others will help you adjust anything there, if necessary. And if the feedback isn’t good, and you’re at a total loss on where to get help being kinder, uh, maybe try Goofus and Gallant in “Highlights for Children?”
The big kahuna that stumps most people is the emotionally available part. Therefore, let this be your guiding principle: You’re emotionally available when the men you’re attracting are emotionally available.
UPDATE: CLICK HERE FOR MY YOUTUBE/VIDEO VERSION OF THIS ANSWER
I hate to say it, but if the wolf you’re talking to is blocking love in some way, and you stick around for more than, say, a date or informative conversation, it’s because you’re emotionally unavailable in some way, too. Bummer. Don’t fret though, if you really want a quality relationship you’ll burn out of the dead-end guys. And after taking a deep look inside of yourself, you’ll come out no longer willing to put up with anyone’s elusive, flaky, overly sex-driven, not-over-his-ex, perfectionist, controlling, and/or commitment-phobic behavior.
Okay, say you are all three of those things, the second thing you’ll need, as stated above, is to be open to meeting this guy wherever you go. That openness and lack of expectation is why many people say you’ll meet him when you least expect it.
Now, with all that said, there are places where your chances of meeting a man with all three qualities are higher than others. Sure, one can meet such a man in the casual encounters section of Craigslist, (or in what I consider its newer version, Tinder), but who’s got time to try and find a needle in that haystack.
So, without further ado, here is a list of meet-and-greet places I’ve found men with all three qualities to be more likely to frequent. It is based on my experience and observations, not some stock internet list, so know that this list is “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” approved. (And, side note, I’ve intentionally left out tennis clubs and yoga studios as those men seem to be a bit weird upon closer inspection.) Enjoy!
Where to Find Emotionally Available, Financially Successful, and Kind Men
(In order of preference)
- Charity events
- Volunteer work
- Workshops/lectures by your favorite spiritual/financial/motivational/educational teachers
- TED Talks
- The bar area of a high-end restaurant
- Friends and family who know you and your taste
- The bar area of a high-end sports bar
- Great seats at sporting events, (and/or access to exclusive areas)
- Performing arts venues, (including bars with live music in nice neighborhoods)
- Paid online dating sites
- Trade shows and conventions
- Walking/exercising at beaches and hiking trails in really nice areas
- The bar area of any restaurant with good food in a nice area
- The golf course, (but if you can’t play better to stick with the range… and if you can’t hit worth a lick better to stick with the bar at the country club)
- Food and wine festivals
- High-end gyms (if you have a game plan for if things don’t work out)
- Airplanes, airport lounges, and airport bars
- Boat and car shows
- Cigar bars (if you can stomach how they make your hair and clothes smell)
- Casinos (…but keep it classy, please)
- Stuck in your, or your girlfriend’s, friend-zone
For my story check out “The Care and Feeding of Sex Symbols” here
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Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to. And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.