So I’m texting this girl at the moment who I’ve bumped into a few times. She’s extremely cute, and the first time I bumped into her I was kicking myself for not asking her for her number. However, about a week ago I bumped into her twice, and the second time we really got to talking and I got her number.
She said she’d really like to see me again, and that we could go get a coffee and take photos sometime as we are both into photography. So I texted her about a day or two later and I asked her if she would still be up for meeting up. She said, “Yes,” and then I said, “Cool, what day are you free?” and a day and a half went past with no reply.
Then, she messaged and said, “Sorry for the late reply,” and suggested we meet up Wednesday. I said, “Perfect. Where would you like to meet up?” She suggested a new cafe place and I said, “Sounds good. What time would suit you?” It’s now been two days and no reply. So what is going on?!? Hahah. Is she interested, or not? Is she playing games? Any ideas??
-Trying to Date a Casper
Dear “Trying to Date a Casper,”
Oh, if only I had a nickel for every wolf I’ve saved from a girl who was exhibiting the exact same as*hole behavior we’re now referring to as ghosting – you know how much money I would have?!? NONE. That’s right, nada! For there’s nothing one can say to stop a man from chasing a woman he’s really attracted to as long as she does at least one thing to encourage him from time to time. Inconsiderate behavior be damned.
Nonetheless, I promised to offer assistance to anyone with a question; so, assuming she’s not dead, in the hospital, or lost her phone, (again), here are my answers to your questions, (as well as a “ghost-busting” tip at the end!):
Is your friendly ghost playing games? Doubt it. Is she interested? Yeah. Just not that interested.
Sure, you slightly screwed up by having her pick the location – (date/time availability inquiries are appropriate, but anything more than that and she’s basically planning the entire date, which is too masculine for most of us girly girls). And, depending on the girl, you may have also screwed up by not picking up the phone and calling her to make plans. However, since she’s texting back at all, and not asking you to call her, I’d say her attention is merely focused elsewhere. (And note: when a girl who has a “call don’t text” policy is truly attracted to a guy, she’ll let a minor offense like that slip in an effort to get to know him better, anyway… [unless she’s super controlling].)
So, now that you know she’s “just not that into you,” how do you proceed from here? Well, it depends on what type of experience you want to have. After all, it’s one thing to devise a plan to get the attention of a girl you’re head over heels about, but another thing entirely to chase someone who’s: (1) already been exposed to you and decided that they can take or leave you, and (2) willing to ignore you. Consequently, your course of action at this point will depend on how smooth or bumpy you want your ride to be.
If you just want to date an “extremely cute” girl, regardless of how she treats you, then I suggest you hit her up Tuesday and see if you’re still on for Wednesday. “If so, what time?” If you two go out and hit it off, congratulations! Keeping with the “struggle to get, struggle to keep” principle, you’ve now captured the attention of a beautiful, belle of the ball who has about a 95% chance of offering you a relationship filled with inconsistent behavior and poor communication!… (Be prepared to have Justin Bieber’s “My momma don’t like you, and she likes everyone” song stuck in your head for a good while, too.)
There is, however, a 5% chance that you get the rare girl who was going through some sort of personal tragedy that caused her to be uncharacteristically rude during scheduling. And by personal tragedy I mean something involving a death, illness, loss of job/house, etc., NOT something involving an as*hole ex-boyfriend. The latter distraction, once again, spells D.R.A.M.A; and a girl who has her sh*t together, and is hell-bent on putting bad relationships behind her, will still text you something back in a timely manner out of consideration.
On the other hand, if you want a relationship ride with a higher chance of smooth sailing, in addition to questions like, “Is she playing games?” and, “Is she interested?” start prioritizing questions like, “Is she kind and considerate? Is she consistently putting in the time and energy to get to know me back? And is she treating me in a way that makes me feel good?”
I call those sort of questions “ghost-busters.” And asking them will help you avoid settling for poor, dismissive behavior, and only entertain girls whose early communication style will not only give you a more pleasant experience out the gate, but allow you to preserve your energy for issues worth stressing over later on in your relationship.
And, finally, since you’ve been through enough weirdness from my sex, I decided to spare you the corny, ghost-buster parody jingle I came up with as it pertains to your situation; but if you write in with another question about this girl in a few weeks you can bet the cheesy gloves are coming off, haha. Best of luck.
Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to. And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.