So, I’m a guy, and I’m talking to a girl that I am SUPER attracted to. We laugh and joke here and there for the most part, but overall she is boring as hell. Been on a few dates and they go decently enough. She always says she had fun, always is ready to hang out again… But when we do I feel like I have to lead conversations.
I’m not a super talkative person, but I can fake it pretty well. She answers my questions and all, and will have random follow up questions; but, again, it’s me doing all the work… I feel like we have better conversations via text than in person, but how can you get anywhere with that type of dynamic?
On top of that she has no sense of adventure. In order to have a little more fun on our dates I suggested we go to the gun range. She came, but would barely shoot. I suggested we go jet-skiing. She said she would never do that. There have been a few more things she said she just won’t do, and I’m just sitting there like oooook.
Problem is, I’m attracted as hell to her physically. Just don’t have much in common, I guess, which sucks. Is it so wrong to be shallow sometimes? I’m recently out of a 5-year relationship, so not looking for anything serious by any means, which she is aware of… Isn’t this the little bit of time I am “allowed” to be shallow?
-Bored and Shallow Hal
Dear “Bored and Shallow Hal,”
Finally! An easy question!… Thank goodness… Lord knows I was due for one. Alright, you seem like a simple wolf with simple pleasures, so I’m going to answer the two questions you posed as simply as I can.
Yes, you’re allowed to be shallow. And yes, you can get somewhere with that type of dynamic: the bedroom. She knows you’re not looking for anything serious, which means she’s not looking for anything serious. (Note: even if a girl says, or even thinks she is, if she’s fooling around with an emotionally unavailable guy, guess what, she’s not.)
So, assuming you’re not a millionaire, (in which case this phenomenon can easily be chalked up to a solo interest in your dough and an inability to fake otherwise), here’s your takeaway from this – (earmuffs, mom):
When an attractive girl who’s sometimes lively, (a la “laughing and joking here and there” and participating in engaging text conversations), turns down her personality when around you, AND keeps wanting to get together with you and your “not-ready-for-anything-serious” heinie, it’s for one reason and one reason only: she’s looking to get her pipes cleaned. No, she’s not suddenly shy, or reminded that she comes from a reserved culture, she’s just not up for pretending to be that into you and your fun, adventurous ways.
Quit trying to drag her around town to do stuff; or worse, hope that she’ll match your adventurous tastes like the ideal girlfriend you’re not ready for. Let her get what all your fresh-out-of-a-relationship, emotional unavailability promises – a quiet, “Netflix and chill” night with a seemingly decent guy.
Most single girls, (usually the smarter ones), only care to have interesting conversations, and create bond-forming memories via adventurous activities, with guys they see at least some sort of future with. So given the stage you’re in, unless you’re willing to settle for the friendzone, or have the swag and/or pockets of Iron Man, the best you can hope for amongst single, hot, and fun are a couple great dates before someone else catches her eye, or a girl in a similar boat as you whose adventurousness conveniently stops at exploring new “D,” (that’s wiener for all you baby boomers).
Outside of that, rest assured that when you’re ready for more you’ll attract a steady companion who has, and is willing, to offer more. In the meantime, happy romping.
Note: As this column is designed to be a judgement-free zone, only those who have been, (or know someone who has been), in a similar situation are invited to comment; especially if the question is unorthodox or hard for one to relate to. And for even more relevant insight, those seeking answers are always encouraged to go within.